Yesterday morning my left leg really did not want to work, my sister, thinking she was doing me a favour whilst we were out shopping, took the trolley away from me & I almost fell - boy did that make her pissy (aye, her, sod the way I felt about it) and, first thing in the morning, I couldn't get my eyes to work right. Eventually sorted itself out but it wasn't the best of starts.
Followed by mum having one of her spoilt child tantrums and dad informing me that he had dumped all of mum's clean clothes on the floor because they had been put on his ottoman and he didn't want them there and I should really get them put away as soon as they went upstairs. *sigh*
So, this morning, after a view of the latest episode of Outlander, via Amazon Prime's 30 day free trial, which left me feeling frustrated. And the usual "Mum's awake, you can take her breakfast up now" announcement at 7:05, just as I had started to boil my eggs, really didn't detract much from yesterday's stress. Though my eyes are much better today & my leg isn't overly sore yet.
I started wondering what will it be like when I don't have to get out of bed in time for my body to adjust so that Mum's breakfast is presented between 7:30 + 7:40 a.m.? What will it be like when I don't have to find out when 2 people are going to come into the house bright & breezy when, quite frankly, I am far less than bright & breezy? What will it be like when all that prevents me from going back to bed if I so wish to is nothing at all?
Aside from the emotional pain, the emptiness, the financial worries, that is.
Then my gaze fell upon this very old polaroid. It's over 25 years old, maybe even 27 years ago. Taken in the then local nightclub of Digby's. Me with am arm wrapped around the waist of a male stripper, grinning like a cheshire cat.
To be honest, I don't remember much about that night specifically. I do remember that photograph though. I'd convinced my sister to accompany me to see the Hollywood Male Strippers (I think that was their name). It was a grand night. Not that I drank because I was driving, but alcohol doesn't mean you can't have a grand time. There was one stripper, boyish looks, longish blonde hair - he was obviously the most popular. Don't get me wrong, he was nice to look at but he was too full of himself for my tastes. I rather liked the shyer one, who turned out to be the newest member of the troop.
At the end of the performances there was the obligatory photo call. My sis & I stood in line, waiting patiently. Our turn came. My sis sat on the knee of the blonde one. I went to the side of the group - I've never been one for limelight or desire to be centre stage. And the young stripper came to stand at my side. lol :) He asked me if I would rather not sit on the blonde's other leg, next to my sister, and I just looked up into the most amazingly blue/silver eyes and said,quite clearly.
"No, thank you, I am exactly where I want to be."
Oh but the smile which lit up his entire being - obviously no one had said anything like that to him before. One of his arms pulled me as close to him as he could get me and I put my arm around his waist & I remember, quite clearly, thinking "You poor lad, you're freezing cold!"
I sometimes wonder what happened to him, what happened to his "career", where was he now. Definitely a "what if" moment - a dream which can be taken any which way you care to take it because, let's face it, the chance of crossing paths with that nameless stripper again are 0. The chances of him still being as gorgeous on the outside as he was on the inside are 0. But, when the demands of everyone else and pain come close to overwhelming me, I can sit and look at that photo and just daydream for a short while.
Interesting how less than a minute, and only 2 lines of conversation, can be so memorable.
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