Beware Reflections

Today's been a day when I felt I needed space, I felt I needed fresh air.  So taking care of business has been less comfy than it can be.  Now that the rain has stopped and things have dried up, I actually managed to grab 10 minutes outside!

Mind you, there was great fun when I went to the veterinary surgery to collect Suki's needles (Suki's my diabetic cat).  Apparently someone thought I was someone else and had decided to hide underneath a desk!  Rather odd, fortunately I did not take the hilarity as personal - I could have done, but I didn't.

Mum said something last night, I'm not sure what reaction she was expecting but she certainly didn't get it.

"Good night," says I, after pills, lotions, drops and pad change.  "Sleep well, see you in the morning."  (My usual end of evening routine litany.)

"I might not be here in the morning."  Replies Mum in a little voice.  I stopped half way to the bedroom door and turned.

"Well, in that case, have a reasonable journey and I'll see you later."

That stumped her. If she was expecting hysterics, she never got them.  If she was expecting a round of pleading and begging for her not to go, she never got it.  Mum doesn't have much of a life these days, and I cannot begin to imagine her levels of frustration, desperation and despair.  Whether I am ready for her to go or not, the final decision is her's and she's closer to that decision than not.  It's an uncomfortable reality, but it's also life.

Then there was dad's request that I cut his toenails - he just can't bend over for long enough to cut them himself these days.

So, this afternoon after getting body & brain into semi-working order I got him sat down in a chair & me on a stool with the various files and cutters and set to work.  As a diabetic it is important that we keep an eye on his legs and feet.  He already had pretty poor circulation in his legs and one of his legs is now more purple than flesh coloured, that's been since his heart issues started.  But, as he raised his other foot onto my knee I saw a green patch on the sole of his foot.

My first thought was "shit! gangrene!"  Need to phone the doctor, or should it be an ambulance?  Wait a minute, there is no smell of decay, the skin is still tight and not coming off in great gobbets (wonderful word that!).  When I brush my fingers over the area there is good tonality, what is going on here?  I change position slightly and notice that the colour on his foot disappears.  What the . . .?

I'm wearing a green t-shirt, quite a vivid green.  The light is reflecting off the t-shirt and onto his foot.

Fortunately, today, I can laugh at myself.

Fortunately, today, it is only a reflection.

SHIT what a day.