The Things People Say (& the tone - tone is so very important)

We had a warm spell of weather recently.  I don't cope well with warm/hot weather any more, it saps what little energy I have left.

Anyway, the other day, before it got too warm, I decided to clean the floors, vacuum the stairs - house cleaning stuff which takes a fair whack of energy so I have to spend a few days working myself up to the point where I'll get it done regardless.  This is one of the reasons why I go so few places these days - I can't do it on the spur of the moment any more,  I have to work myself up to it.

Regardless of how much I tell myself that having a clean house/carpet/floor isn't that important, it does eventually get to me and I have to do something about it.

So....there I am, half way up the stairs, vacuuming like a nutter.  And the carers come in.  I had hoped to get it all finished before they made an appearance because I do so get very tired of the inane comments.  Comments like "you can come do my house when you're finished", "that's what I like to see, someone else working before 9 a.m.".

I kinda lost my compose a tad the other day and I snapped back about having to get it done when I have the energy.

"Oh, I know how you feel."  Was the unthinking reply.

"Really?  You know how I feel?"

"Oh yes."

"I'm sorry to hear that."  That comment stopped everything in its tracks.  A blank look of incomprehension followed.  "I didn't know you had fibromyalgia, or arthritis in your spine, psoraric arthritis in your hands and feet, bursitis in your hips, as well as the other crap."

"I don't."

"But you said you knew how I felt."

"Oh, I have a friend with fibromyalgia. Don't over do it!"

Er, what is it to you if I overdo it or not?  You don't have to cope with the fall out, you don't have to be around me or anything else.

The same woman, later in the day, commented on my swearing.  I gave her a blank look - I didn't realise I couldn't say whatever I wanted in my own home.  Now, if I had sworn at her, that would be different, but I had said it because I had dropped the vacuum, catching the side of my foot.   I rather think that warranted a good old fashioned impassioned sweary word - don't you?

I do so wish people would listen to their tone when they speak - so many times an opening conversational statement has been said with such a combative tone that an argument follows, not because of the words but because the intonation is one of challenge, patronisation, combativeness.  And if you don't know how those tones sound and yet find yourself being faced by blank looks or annoyance when really you were just making a polite enquiry, then you need to  think.

Actively listen, people.  And think before you speak.  Don't fill silences because you're uncomfy.  And be pleasant to each other.

But, for now,  I think I'll go be a unicorn farting rainbows in the kitchen!